Friday, April 15, 2005


A friend recently told me about an idea for a photo essay they are wanting to shoot. I was surprised, pleasantly so, when I heard that the subject would be American Flags.

Old Glory.

The Stars and Stripes.

Our nation's standard.

My surprise faded to a low hum as I listened to the details. It would be a black and white study of American flags in the context that they are a hated symbol to much ofthe rest of the world. I dispute that assertion but my common ground with this friend is not political. I make no mystery of the fact that I am more than just a little to the right of being a centrist. And it has always been just as transparent that he is every bit left of center that I am to the right.
Let me say that I love his idea.
the idea of a photo essay highlighting our flag.
Let me say that I do not love the politics behind his idea. Fortunately for both of us we live in a country under this symbol hated by many, if you subscribe to my friend's politics, and we can agree to disagree. Freely. Without fear of reprisal for stating our beliefs. Our differences all grounded in our common freedom.

I sit here now and "Band of Brothers" is playing on the television behind me. I admit that I cannot watch this series, any of it, without getting all misty in the eyes. The idea that these men, these brothers, could fight and bleed and die for one another touches me in a deep place that I do not go to often with others. It is the place within me that still thinks honour and chivalry are not dead relics. It is the place within me that knows that people like my friend will never truly be able to appreciate their freedom because they have not had to sacrifice for it. Fortunate for us all there have been legions of men and women who have made that sacrifice for us all so we don't have to. None of us will ever know the depth of their valor, their dedication or the love and brotherhood they shared. The price asked of them was great. Their wages were in blood, toil and agony. Anyone feel like taking a trip with me? I am thinking of somewhere like Normandy, Bastogne, Haguenau, Gettysburg, Chickamauga, Bunker Hill and Valley Forge. Does anyone care to ride?

This image is my father's flag. It flies outside my parents' home everyday. My father was a Green Beret. He is also one of my heroes now that I am old enough and far enough past rebellion to understand our differences. Keep ole glory flying dad.

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image created using Holgaroid camera

Thursday, April 14, 2005

little feet

Do men have a biological clock?
As time passes by I have noticed an increased desire to have children.

atleast one.

Where does this desire come from? I want terribly to be a father and would be quite a great one I am certain. But why do I want it? Perhaps there's just a touch of immortality to having a little piece of you here when you leave this world for the next. Maybe I have more love to give. I do not yet know the nature of my drive, but I know it is strong within me. I see my brother with my niece, who will be five this year, and I long for that kind of bond in my life. Some day it will happen and it will be wonderful. I just know it.

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image created using Polaroid Izone

Wednesday, April 13, 2005


Seems to me that the older I become, the less permanent the world around me becomes. The feeling of being at peace with the world that I find my self searching for continues to elude me. Is it the struggle for that peace that brings purpose to a life? Is it the struggle for love? Twice now I have made an oath of honor, a vow, to women that moved me...loved me...completed me. Twice now I have been denied in the end. Denied the feeling of peace that came with commitment.


Solid ground.

In the end are love and peace both illusions? Perhaps peace is the journey itself...constant motion towards a lofty goal.

This image is a vision that awaited me exiting the shower one night very late. This is evidence of a small moment of peace. I have since lost this peace that I once held so close.

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image created using a YashicaMAT 124

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


Recent events in my life are forcing me to examine the relationships that I have with people. All people. It occurs to me that I, like many, have had many more acquaintances than I have had actual friends. At the time of knwoing these people I thought they were all great and wonderful friends. I have grown to find out that is not always going to be the case. Few have the staying power to be faithful and lifelong companions. Most are around for the exciting times when the flames are burning brightest and not very willing to help you stoke the embers of creativity and life to keep them burning when the pace has slowed. Is it possible to find an agreeable mix, a middle ground? Does anyone have a map to that place?

This first image is of a friend that I have known for most of this life. We met in preschool and I have carried the thought of her with me ever since. Even now when her life is in shambles and her need is the greatest, she is my friend.

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image created with Polaroid SX-70

This second image is of a friend that I have met later in this life and I hope to know her for the rest of it. Her sense of humor and sage advice has helped keep me level a few times when I thought I could not be. For such a small person she has the shoulders of Atlas the few times I have needed one to lean on. Thank you for being my friend.

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image created with Canon 10D


The most amazing things happen when we sleep. We laugh...we love...we die...we live an entire other existence between the time that we close our eyes and the time we wake. Sometimes we are fortunate enough to remember that other world. It can bring us lessons that we carry with us for a lifetime. Other times our nightly journey is as fleeting as the beating of a faerie's wings. As I sit here I am trying to determine if now is one of those times, those dreamtimes. If it is will you please pinch me?

double exposure created with Holgaroid camera and type 89 Polaroid film